Saturday, 3 March 2012

Open Letter to an EX


 Open letter to an ex
I hate you and I love you
He read those words in my motions
Without my lips ever parting a slit
I hate you
And I love you
Words epitomising the paradox we became

Baby, friend, stranger, foe
However you come to me; just come
Please,
Can we talk?

I am sorry for the first time I made you feel like a blemish I would always regret
I thought I meant it
But maybe I shouldn’t have said it

I am sorry for every time I did it again
I guess I just didn’t know what regret meant
And all I felt was resentment
That you approached me unavailable
And my available fickle heart found you heaven sent

Like a moonless night sky glimmers in the reflection of freshly fallen snow
Life became so much brighter when you became the weather
It wasn’t clich√© like you complete me
But your wholeness complementing mine
We came together
And for the most part became better reflections of each other

Basking in the pastures of true mutual admiration
My shoulders stood taller
And I wanted to be better
As though striving to be worthy of such affection
That saw through me and still loved me
That frustrated me and yet ignited me
That brought clarity and somehow still confounded me

Somehow I loved the things I hated about you
And I hated that
But even more than that
I hated every single time that you expected me to understand the illogical
Every single time you withheld basic information – it made me feel I was disposable
Every time you acted like you couldn’t understand why your context was a problem I couldn’t handle
I hated that
And I thought regret was my only way to resile from that
But I was wrong
I can’t regret you

The hating days went by like a British summer
But the sweet memories stayed
They still linger
Like the tears that dripped down my face just at the touch of your hands on mine
During our first post us encounter
Your impact on my heart was one of power
Your lips to mine were like perfect
Your intellect to mine was like parallel
Our chemistry in my history remains matchless
And though you were not the one
You did show me what love is
And thus gave me the road map to find who he is
So how can I regret you?
I was just ashamed of my weakness

Baby, friend, stranger, foe
However you come
Please listen
I am sorry
I’m sorry for the times I made you feel like a blemish I would always regret
I didn’t mean it
And it’s your love I will never forget


©2012 TolulolaAgbelusi

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