Open Letter to an EX

 Open letter to an ex

I hate you and I love you

He read those words in my motions

Without my lips ever parting a slit

I hate you

And I love you

Words epitomising the paradox we became

Baby, friend, stranger, foe

However you come to me; just come

Please,

Can we talk?

I am sorry for the first time I made you feel like a blemish I would always regret

I thought I meant it

But maybe I shouldn’t have said it

I am sorry for every time I did it again

I guess I just didn’t know what regret meant

And all I felt was resentment

That you approached me unavailable

And my available fickle heart found you heaven sent

Like a moonless night sky glimmers in the reflection of freshly fallen snow

Life became so much brighter when you became the weather

It wasn’t cliché like you complete me

But your wholeness complementing mine

We came together

And for the most part became better reflections of each other

Basking in the pastures of true mutual admiration

My shoulders stood taller

And I wanted to be better

As though striving to be worthy of such affection

That saw through me and still loved me

That frustrated me and yet ignited me

That brought clarity and somehow still confounded me

Somehow I loved the things I hated about you

And I hated that

But even more than that

I hated every single time that you expected me to understand the illogical

Every single time you withheld basic information – it made me feel I was disposable

Every time you acted like you couldn’t understand why your context was a problem I couldn’t handle

I hated that

And I thought regret was my only way to resile from that

But I was wrong

I can’t regret you

The hating days went by like a British summer

But the sweet memories stayed

They still linger

Like the tears that dripped down my face just at the touch of your hands on mine

During our first post us encounter

Your impact on my heart was one of power

Your lips to mine were like perfect
Your intellect to mine was like parallel

Our chemistry in my history remains matchless

And though you were not the one

You did show me what love is

And thus gave me the road map to find who he is

So how can I regret you?

I was just ashamed of my weakness

Baby, friend, stranger, foe

However you come

Please listen

I am sorry

I’m sorry for the times I made you feel like a blemish I would always regret

I didn’t mean it

And it’s your love I will never forget

©2012 TolulolaAgbelusi